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*Saturday, July 04, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

Most Memorable Bday!

i can say ever since 12 yrs old i had never really celebrated my bday. if i remembered correctly, no more cakes from then on.
birthday had become just an excuse to eat so-called better food.

during secondary schools days, most of the times will be just going out to eat and receive presents from fellow classmates, schoolmates. like i said, no more cakes.

i think cakes had become not that necessary anymore unless u're celebrating it at home or having a chalet outside and cakes just make them more significant.

this year.. the day before my bday, i was just thinking of buying a cake on the bday itself after lunch to have it with my colleagues. i do not know why but i sudden have the craving to eat cake during my bday. However, i forgotten abt it.

then i got my surprise coming in.
a delivery man with a small bouquet of flowers in a stuffed dog container + a box of white and strawberry coated heart-shaped cake!!! and a hamper of chocolates.

im surprised, yes
im touched, yes
im delighted, yes
im loved, YES!

it's so just like a wish come true. what u want, u have it.

we had dinner.
time flies but i truly enjoyed her company, really, extremely!
i wish for her to feel comfortable, happy, loved with my company too.

the whole day itself i was contemplating to ask her to text me a Happy Birthday msg so that i could keep for memory sake but i hesitated and chose not to.
but after we parted, she texted me and part of the conversation there's Happy B'day once again.

there again, another wish come true.

whatever i wish to say
it's more than words.
i dont care if i got in return is more or less than i had given. that's not important.
i just want to keep the best, i could give, for her.

just be yourself and enjoy my company.
that's all i ask for.

you're like an angel.
u made my days with u like a fairytale.
thank you from the deepest of my heart that you came into my life.

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by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 10:33 PM. 0 comments

*Thursday, June 25, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

RoRo

only recently ive realised i haven been blogging for 1mth plus.
everything had been revolved around my work and Her.


i still have my reservations for her.
truthfully, im still afraid.
afraid of getting hurt again.
afraid of walking the escaping route i choose the last time i was hurt again.
afraid of feeling the same pain again.


i believed im blinded.
so blinded to even feel if she's real.
why does my fear wont go away?
mainly because..

it is the degree of "seems close to a person" that actually scares me.
i fear to be one of the victim.
im afraid that she's nice to me because
she knows im easily affected.
she dont want to lose a workable worker.


ive been enjoying really enjoyable moments with her.
like buying breakfast for her every mth when we still can eat in office.
having lunch together. (esp ones she initiated)
even times like walking her to the taxi stand and acc her wait for taxi,
staying in the office with her to wait for her "chauffeur",
accompany her find her uncle's vase.

just love to have her presence irregardless of what we are doing.
i appreciate her as she is.

she is one of the chosen fren among all that i wish to keep.
if she could stay, i'll jolly well treasure her.

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by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 8:59 PM. 0 comments

*Thursday, May 21, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

stress

every mth, things repeatedly happen.
going to mth end already..
the stress already building.
feel soooo damn tired.
this mth is worst than ever i guess.
the stress started from the beginning
accumulated till the end.

to be feeling the same thing
every other mth.
holy shit huh!



stress until want cry.
emo until want cry.
cry cry cry.. just cry it all out i guess.

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by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:19 AM. 0 comments

*Tuesday, May 19, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

first time

first time i went for such stuffs yet it's her mum's.

it's saddening.

at the end of it, i gave the hug i wanted to give the moment she told me the news.
i appreciate that im one of the first that she broke the news to.


i hope she's holding on strong, getting better day by day.


on a selfish account, i feel super emo for the thoughts of not seeing her and able to text her as per normal.
she need the time alone. i know. i understand.
cant help but to feel the way she feels whenever she's down.



Dear Lord,
please provide her with everything she needs, everything You can.
i know You have the ability to do so.
take all my blessings for her.
keep her strong.
give her comfort.
fix her broken heart
soothe her sorrows.
bring her joys.
pick her up.
Thanks. Amen.

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by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:07 AM. 0 comments

*Sunday, May 03, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

simple

stay simple
be content

speak less
listen more

eat less
drink more

think less
do more

take less
give more

hate less
love more


simplicity is bliss.

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by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 9:37 PM. 0 comments

*Friday, May 01, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

sigh!

It's the end of the mth again.
now i want to make it a point to blog every mth end.
i need to grumble everything out else i'll go bonkers.

i had my renewal of contract signed but im not happy at all.
it now feels like a drag than any thing else.
"No pay raise, 1/4 renewal bonus."
it's really pathetic in my opinion.
i may start off not well.. but most of the time i hit my minimum target.
by Jan i'm already quite consistent in my sales.
i've no bad attendance records, not much of issues apart of redemptions.
why am i getting all these shits???
comparing the effort i had put in. Sigh. Disappointment is the word!

is my sales THAT bad compared to LL???!!?!??!!
someone answer me please.

Every mth to hit 100CP for 3mths to get increment?
fuck shit huh. I DIE DIE also only got 90++ CP
does it means i will never get my increment no matter how hard i work??
then wth am i working hard for??
since Jan my sales had always been 90++!
LIKE WTF LAH!!! im always stuck there!

this mth target never hit again. yes, stucked at 9o++. 94 this mth!
sigh.. it's wearing me out, totally.

current situation is not productive.
2 X effort = 1 X results
what i want is
1 X effort = 2 X results.

and seriously, i think the comm sucks pathetically.
or maybe it's recession, thats why. but it still sucks for now.

frankly speaking, money is not an issue.
i dont stay on for the $$ coz it's nothing fantastic.
if not for her, perhaps, i have already change a new job.

My motivator keeps me going.
but when motivator does not motivates anymore....
i wonder what will happen...
we shall see how...

Sometimes i do wish she can hear all my grumbles..
but she's my boss.. i cant grumble these to her...
there's quite a few disatisfactions in me
i wish she can hear me out..
my disatisfications wont turn into actions
but i just need to vent it out..

Will she bother to listen from A-Z?
i dont like pouring out my stuffs and get stopped off at M or halfway thru.
somtimes there are just stuffs u need to grumble it off.
it's so suffocating to be all kept inside.



i need some inner peace, really.
i want someone to talk to.
i want to pour my frustrations out.
i want to cry my heart out.
i want to feel a tinge of happiness.

=(( i hardly got anyone of this.
i feel so sad. =(( SIGH.



i feel so worn out.
so alone.

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by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:28 AM. 0 comments

*Monday, April 27, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

argh

i hate it when she's not feeling well...

i wish i can do something...


=(


please la, for goodness sake, SLEEP!!! and drink more plain water!
weather alr bad enough and u doing nth abt it to take care of urself.


sigh. depress. =((

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by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 7:52 PM. 0 comments

*Friday, April 24, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

losing

im losing faith.
perhaps totally soon.

we shall see how it gonna end
but trust me if i say im losing it,
i really do.

when the faith had gone
it's time to move on.


we shall see...
how long i can stand...

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by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 9:30 PM. 0 comments

*Monday, April 20, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

All is Well

^.^

all is well now, i believed.

i shld stop being critical and emotional.
i shld just enjoy her presence as much as possible
of coz, i hope she enjoyed mine too.

my heart is at ease now. peaceful.
i believed she had stablized her place is my heart.
if i believe i trust her, i shldnt have doubts.
if i believe i know her, i shldnt have questions.

my feelings hasnt failed me so far.

when u love someone u do not love them all e time
in exactly the same way,
from moments to moments.
it's an impossbility.
it's even a lie to pretend to.

everyone shld keep this in mind.
in case they tend to feel that,
their friends dont love them anymore because they dont A now anymore but do B.
their lovers dont love them anymore because they used to say A but now B.

love are in all forms.
sometimes u see it, sometimes u dont
sometimes u feel it, sometimes u dont
likewise
what u see, feel and hear might not always be true.




i love Boss no matter what!!! (=D)

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by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 7:19 PM. 0 comments

*Saturday, April 18, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

regret

now i come to think of it.

its stupid of me and irrational to be doing all these.

im just digging my own grave.

i shldnt did what i had done!

NONONOO!!!!


so clouded by emotions then.
STUPID ME!


im just a SELFISH idiot!

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by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 11:23 PM. 0 comments